Month Before the Mitzvah To-Do

Your invitations are out. Your RSVPs are in. It is go time! It is time to finalize everything for your mitzvah. So what needs to get done?

The answer is – SO MUCH!

I have been searching for a comprehensive relatable “to do list” for a type-A New Yorker and haven’t found one to the detail I desired… So, I decided to write my own. I thought you may also find it helpful. With that said, the first step is accepting we are all a little nuts. But then again, so are our parties.

Presenting the Neurotic Jewish Mom’s Pre-Mitzvah To-Do List:

Pre-Mitzvah Preparation

1. Self-Care Journey

Coordinate hair and makeup trials for pre or temple photo shoots
Make haircut appointments for the males in your family
Confirm hair and makeup appointments for day of party
Make nail appointments
Do your eyebrows
Pluck out the weird hair in your arm that you always forget about
Shave your armpits and legs
Pull out gray hairs
Realize sit-ups would have been a good idea a month ago

2. Photographer

Set up your temple photoshoot and pre-shoot
Coordinate the timing of formal pictures (day of) and give the extended family a timeline
Discuss photo album options

3. Attire

Confirm service attire for all family members
Confirm party attire for all family members
Order Spanx, try them on with your dress
Bring all clothing to tailor
Confirm your shoes fit
Confirm your children’s shoes fit
Tell your husband to order new shoes, knowing he will want them last minute
Pick socks, try them on with event shoes, and set them aside so they are clean
Make sure any boys/men have white undershirts to wear under their dress shirts
Buy belts if boys are wearing suits
Have a family dress rehearsal to make sure everything matches and fits
Decide on jewelry, try it on to make sure it matches, and the length works

4. Favors

Order favors – decide if you’re getting all one size, if not request sizes from guests
Decide on favor bags
Decide on a name label for bags
Match up favor and size with name label
Label and stuff bags
Confirm swag for adults like flip-flops or slippers
Order earplugs for adults

5. Housekeeping

1-2 weeks prior, send out electronic reminders confirming RSVP
Send an email about the mitzvah project
Invite your family to the Friday night service, and confirm honors
Figure out all gratuities and get cash
Decide where the mitzvah gift money will live – five-year CD? Bank account?
Make sure thank you notes are ready
Buy stamps
Start saving “good boxes” to bring stuff to your venue
Return everything to Amazon so it’s out of your house

For The Service

1. Religious Items

Order yarmulkes
Get a basket for yarmulkes
Order Tallis

2. Honors

Finalize your aliyah list and ask for Hebrew names if needed
If you are doing a Torah portion at the service, practice it out loud and without vowels
Send all Hebrew reading parts to honorees so they can practice
Send all English reading parts to honorees so they can practice
Confirm the people whom you want to honor with lifting/carrying the Torah can lift/carry it

3. Food & Water

Finalize details for kiddush or oneg if having one
Confirm candy to throw with the temple and put in a basket
Bring a cup with a straw for the mitzvah child to keep on the bema

4. Speech

Write and edit your speech
Practice it out loud
Go slower

5. Housekeeping

Submit picture and mitzvah project for temple newsletter
Include the child’s name in the book of honor

For The Party

1. Venue

Finalize menu
Confirm special dietary restricts for guests
Finalize attendee count
Finalize adult drinks and mocktails
Finalize placement of your vendors
Confirm how and when to pay and get a certified check if needed
Confirm table sizes for adults
Confirm the date to drop everything off before the party: favor bags, baskets, etc.

2. Seating

Create a seating table chart
Order seating chart poster or place cards
If doing seating poster, confirm venue has an easel
Confirm the venue has table number cards they can use or order special ones if not

3. Party Décor

If you’re bringing stuff the maître will set up, confirm your vision with him/her
Charge anything that lights up
Put together the box for envelopes/gifts
Complete bathroom basket

4. Candle lighting

If you are doing DIY candle lighting décor, do a mockup
Decide on the number of candles and honored guests
Write rhyming poems for each candle

5. Speech

Write and edit your speech
Practice it out loud
Go slower
If siblings are making speeches have them practice out loud

6. DJ

Confirm party dancers, add more if needed
Set up a call with MC to go over your vision
Make a list of “must play” and “do not play” songs
Decide on an entry song for each member of your family
Make a separate bag for giveaways and prizes
Decide who is doing the blessings
Confirm songs for your candle lighting
Pick who goes up in chairs, and make sure DJ knows the ceiling height
Decide on the type of hora you would like
Decide if you want games like Coke and Pepsi

7. Cake

Order cake if your venue does not provide one
Confirm cake pick up or delivery and when the venue will accept it
If picking up, confirm store hours and payment options

8. Photo Booth

Confirm backdrop
Make special prop requests

In Conclusion

With all the above said, if you have vendors who take care of these things, good for you! If not, you got this. It will all get done. The most important part is that you are now ready to watch your beautiful baby read from the Torah and become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Remember, that is what this day is all about.

Other than that, get ready to party. You did it! Pat yourself on the back because no matter what, you are about to have the most spectacular event ever!

Also, it’s ok if the UPS store lady is not only invited to your party but gets a candle… Thanks for scanning my QR codes so I can run out the door, UPS lady please come up and light candle number four. We all know she’s played a big role in this day too.

Stacey Wallenstein is the founder of the parenting & lifestyle blog The Mint Chip Mama. Visit her website at themintchipmama.com and find her across all socials at @themintchipmama.